Let Go and Let Grow – A Christian Response to Helicopter Parenting
In the Name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, One God. Amen.
May the blessing of the Father who calls us and His Only Begotten Son Jesus Christ who saves us, and the Holy Spirit who sanctifies and transforms us be with us all, that we may hear His word and bear fruit, thirty, sixty, and a hundredfold. Amen.
Introduction: The Fear Behind the Hovering
Helicopter Parenting means hovering over our children—micromanaging their choices, stepping in to prevent every fall, doing their work for them, and shielding them from struggle. On the surface, it feels like love. But love, real love, is often far more courageous.
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”
(2 Timothy 1:7, NKJV)
At its root, Helicopter Parenting is often driven by fear—fear of failure, harm, or disappointment. But when fear governs parenting, we begin to damage the very ones we love most.
1. Biblical Parenting Is Trusting God First, Not Controlling Outcomes
In 1 Samuel 1, we read how Hannah, after years of barrenness, gives birth to Samuel. What does she do? She offers him to the Lord:
“For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition which I asked of Him. Therefore I also have lent him to the Lord; as long as he lives he shall be lent to the Lord.”
(1 Samuel 1:27–28, NKJV)
Hannah trusted the God who gave her a son. That’s biblical parenting—dedicating, not dominating.
“Bring up your children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord—not merely for this life, but for the life to come. Do not seek to make them wealthy, but good and wise.”
—St. John Chrysostom, Homilies on Ephesians
We are not called to raise successful children—we are called to raise faithful ones.
2. The Cost of Hovering: Dependence or Rebellion
When we hover, we hinder. Our children grow up confused about their own abilities. Either they begin to believe they are incapable, or they resent us for not trusting them.
“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”
(Proverbs 22:6, NKJV)
Notice: it says train, not control. God allows us to walk freely. Shouldn’t we imitate Him?
Imagine if Moses’ mother had hovered when he was placed in the Nile. Instead, she prepared a basket, placed her trust in God, and watched from a distance. Pharaoh’s daughter raised him—but God’s plan unfolded because of that act of letting go.
3. The Value of Failing and Falling
“Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”
(Hebrews 12:11, NKJV)
When we prevent our children from struggling, we rob them of their formation. King David learned courage when he fought the lion and bear before he faced Goliath. Without those challenges, there would be no shepherd-king, no Psalmist.
“A man who teaches his son everything without letting him struggle teaches nothing.”
—Abba Poemen, Sayings of the Desert Fathers
Clarifying Misconceptions: Letting Go Is Not Letting Loose
Now, I know some of you might be wondering:
“Does letting go mean we simply stand by while our children make poor choices? Does it mean we stop guiding them or allow dishonesty?”
Let’s be clear: letting go does not mean letting loose.
It doesn’t mean stepping away from boundaries, discipline, or truth.
Biblical parenting requires both courage and clarity.
It means we stop controlling every detail of our children’s lives—but we don’t stop shepherding their hearts. We give them space to grow, but not space to deceive.
We must understand something: children are incredibly perceptive.
If our parenting is only about enforcing rules, they will often learn how to comply outwardly while bypassing the heart of what we’re teaching. They may follow the letter, but not the spirit.
“These people draw near to Me with their mouth, and honor Me with their lips, but their heart is far from Me.”
(Matthew 15:8, NKJV)
Our role is not to trap them into obedience, but to train them in truth—to form conscience, not just compliance.
We must teach them that honesty, integrity, and obedience are not about appearances or technicalities. They are about becoming the kind of person who walks in the light, even when no one is watching.
“If we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another.”
(1 John 1:7, NKJV)
This requires consistency, conversation, and calm correction, not control.
Guiding Principle
Letting go means we stop hovering over every detail—but we remain present in truth.
It’s not about being unaware—it’s about being wise, not reactive.
- We allow children to fall in safe ways, not dangerous ones.
- We walk beside them, but don’t walk for them.
- We listen deeply, but also correct directly.
“The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice, And he who begets a wise child will delight in him.”
(Proverbs 23:24, NKJV)
The only path to wisdom is through choices. And sometimes—yes—even wrong ones.
4. Learning to Step Back with Wisdom
There’s a difference between abandoning and releasing. We are still called to guide, to bless, to be near. But we do so from a posture of faith, not fear.
Ephesians 6:4 says:
“And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.”
Hovering provokes. Trust builds. Be the parent that says:
“I believe in you. I will not do it for you—but I will walk beside you.”
Just as Christ sent the disciples out two by two, with no staff, no bag, only His commission and His Spirit (Luke 9:3), so must we send our children—not empty-handed, but full of encouragement and truth.
Practical Practice: Letting Them Walk
Today, take one step back. Let your child:
- Solve a problem without jumping in.
- Talk to their teacher on their own.
- Experience a natural consequence in safety.
- Ask for help instead of you always offering it first.
Then say: “I trust you. I believe you can do this. I am here if you need me.”
Like the father of the prodigal son (Luke 15), sometimes we must let our children walk—even if it breaks our hearts—so they can return, not just to us, but to themselves and to God.
Closing Blessing
May the Lord bless us as parents to raise children who lean on the Lord more than they lean on us.
May we have the courage to let go, so our children may grow.
And may Christ, who entrusted His Church to frail humans, teach us to entrust our children to His care.
May the Lord bless us, transform our hearts and minds, that our homes may stand on the Rock, our hands serve in the harvest, and our hearts long for Heaven. Amen.